Pastor's Message, May 3 2015 - Winning an Unsaved Spouse

May 3, 2015

Winning an Unsaved Spouse

(1 Peter 3:1-7)

 

If we (believers in Christ) want to make a difference in this world for the kingdom – we must learn to reach out in four major arenas and Peter talks about everyone of them in 1 Peter:  Society – (3:13-17), the workplace (2:18-25) the family (3:1-7), and the church (3:8-9). 

Now the opening section of Chapter 3 deals with the third and smallest unit of the social structure ordained by God - the family.

Peter here directs six verses to wives’ submission to the husband’s one verse about serving the needs of his wife.

At first glance you might say this seems out of balance.  But in Peter’s day when a wife became a Christian, the potential for difficulty was much greater than it was if the husband first became a believer. (Today?)

When Paul wrote to the church in Corinth – he gave them some instructions to those marriages where one of the spouses was a Christian and the other wasn’t…

The believing Wife or a believing husband has the responsibility to stay with their unbelieving spouse.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15 (NASB)

(12) But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. (13) And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. (14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. (15) Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

Now before I talk about these 7 verses today in 1 Peter - I want us to look at two verses in…

Galatians 3:27-28 (NASB)

(27) For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. (28) There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Those 2 verses tell us that Christian women are spiritually equal to men in Christ.  But still, God has ordained women to have certain obligations to their husbands - which Peter identifies here in 1 Peter 3:1-6 as:

#1: She is to be Submissive & Faithful. 

1 Peter 3:1-2 (NASB)

Godly Living

 (1) In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won

without a word by the behavior of their wives, (2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 

Disobedient to the word describes the unbelieving husband’s condition as his rejecting of the gospel.  (Through the years I have seen many wives praying and hoping that there spouse would believe and receive Christ)

Chaste - meaning pure, innocent, uncorrupted, virtuous, unblemished, spotless, and faithful.

When it comes to respectful behavior – I would point to what Aretha Franklin said:  (Right side say – when I raise my hand: “Just a little bit”, left side say

“just a” 4x)

Respect - What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my propers
When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)

(Ladies Read) A lovely, gracious, and submissive attitude is the most effective evangelist tool believing wives have.

Being submissive & faithful could also mean finding out and living-out your spouses love language.  I will talk about that at the end of the message

 

#2: She is to be Modest.

1 Peter 3:3-6 (NASB)

(3) Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 

(4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; (6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Now these verses don’t prohibit wives from styling their hair, wearing jewelry or lovely clothing, which is why the Bible states “merely”.

I think the point is that these things shouldn’t be your main concern when you are trying to draw your unsaved husband to Christ.

Instead of being consumed with your external appearance, Christian wives must be devoted to beautifying the things of the heart.

Gentleness – comes from the word referring to a humble and meek attitude, expressed in patient submissiveness.  Quiet is “still” or “tranquil.”

These characters (Gentleness & quiet spirit) are the true inner beauty that “is precious in the sight of God” verse 4 says in 1 Peter 3:4.

Let me say it this way:  The Lord is most pleased when a believing woman’s modest yet thoughtful and lovely adornment reflects the inner beauty Christ has fashioned in her.

Now the husbands get only one verse but I found that in serving his wife – he has three basic responsibilities:

#1) He must show consideration.

1 Peter 3:7a

You husbands in the same way,

live with your wives in an understanding way,

This is a fisherman talking.  But he got it.  To live with your wife in an understanding way means that as husbands we need to be considerate.  Understanding speaks of being sensitive and considering our wife’s deepest physical and emotional needs (Halmark channel).  Cherishing them is so important.  As husbands (who believe in Jesus) we must constantly nourish and cherish our wives (believers or non-believers) in the bond of intimacy.

In the series that we did here 7 years ago ”Winning at Work and at Home” – the men learned…

Four things that your wife needs:

(1) Security (safe financially & relationally)

(2) Conversation / companionship (date your wife)

(3) Significance (valued, appreciate, don’t take her for granted)

(4) Affection (treasuring)

These things will speak life into your marriage.  And if your wife does not know Christ – these four things will show how much you love her and support her and cherish her.  You will be representing Christ to her!

Husbands, win with their spouse through wise actions supported by proven insight.

Tony Evans once wrote this and boy does it fit in today’s world:

In our war against terrorism, there are Special Forces, the Army Rangers, the Green Berets, the Navy Seals, the Delta Force – these are special people who are cut out from the crowd, who are set apart from the rest of the general armed services.  These are no ordinary soldiers; they are cut out from and a cut above the rest.

God is calling men to be sanctifiers, men who set themselves apart, and are set apart, for the purpose of the transformation of their mates from where they are into what they ought to be. 

That’s sanctification, requiring a Savior first.

Other way to say it is:

First a man sanctifies his wife then he continues to sanctify her by continuously bringing her into the realm of love and kindness and shepherding care, until they are utterly and completely one.

#2) He must show Chivalry.

1 Peter 3:7b (NASB)

as with someone weaker, since she is a woman;’

Once again I would say that women are not spiritually inferior to men.  It means that women generally posses less physical strength than men.  As Christian husbands we are to be the sacrificial providers and protectors of our wives. 

 A man bragged on his marriage once and said, “In our marriage, my wife and I have decided to never go to bed angry.  We haven’t sleep in three weeks!

Colossians 3:19 (NASB)

Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

1 Timothy 5:8 (NASB)

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

#3) He must lead with companionship.

1 Peter 3:7c (NASB)

and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

I think here that Peter labels marriage “the grace of life” because grace means “unmerited, or undeserved favor”.

Marriage is a divine providence given to man regardless of his attitude toward the God.

Intimate companionship in marriage should be one of the richest blessings of this life.

The warning in this verse is clearly given that if a husband in Christ is not fulfilling his responsibilities toward his wife, God may not answer his prayers.

Tony Evans shared this:

Most of grapes eaten in the United States are grown in Napa Valley, California.  In order for a vine of grapes to become fruitful, the branches of the vine must be elevated.

The branches are tied to a post for support.  As the grapes develop and grow, the vine will become too heavy and begin to droop and drag on the ground.  Elevation not only keeps the fruit off of the ground but also helps them to get the full benefit of the sun.

After a time then branches begin to spread along this post to which they have been tied.  Having been made stable, they are then free to climb or to spread.

In the same way, stability allows a woman to feel secure and cared for.  She is then free to flourish, to climb, and to be fruitful.

The key to having a positive witness to an unsaved spouse is living an exemplary Christian life as a faithful, submissive spouse.  That obedience pleases God and provides the testimony that honors Jesus Christ before the unsaved partner.

A marriage is like a violin. After the music stops, the strings are still attached.  A husband and wife are bound together as long as they live.

Opposites usually attract to balance, refine, and mature one another.

Then there are the love languages.  I would like to close in talking about them.  Every person, men and women has a primary love language.

(1)  Words of Affirmation – positive words come out of the cut, not forced, not fake.  Compliments, encouragements. 

(2)  Quality Time – sharing life together

(3)  Receiving Gifts – big or small – it’s a gift. Could be a note, Car accident…

(4)  Acts of Service – doing things for them…

(5)  Physical Touch - all touches are not equal.  Hug, back rub, feet

How do you know which one of love languages is your spouses?

Ask your spouse. 

Wives and husbands – find specific ways to speak your spouses love language.