Pastor's Message, April 19, 2015 - Broken Together

April 19, 2015

Broken Together!

(Ephesians 5:20, 25-33)

 

Description of marriage by Mark Hall & Bernie Herms (wrote the song)

 

“Marriage is tough. We bring a lot of fairytales to the picture when it comes to marriage. We bring them to the altar with us [thinking]: ‘This is going to be perfect.

• We don’t have to be apart.

• We can just wake up together every morning and no one is going to have morning breath.

• We’re not going to have any problems.

 

 And then the problems hit and you don’t know where to file those into your picture. . . The idea I’m trying to say is:

?      ‘Can you lay down who you thought I was and love the ‘me’ that is?

?      Can we take this from where we are now and realize that I can’t be that person?’

 

Only God is going to be able to make this work and broken people can be broken together!

 

Once a man said:

My wife and I promised that we would never go to bed angry.  We haven’t slept together in seven years!

 

Once a woman was asked why she was seeking a divorce from her husband.  She said, “When I got married I was looking for the ideal, instead it became an ordeal, so now I want to new deal.”

 

David Platt said in the series we are doing right now on Sunday morning – “Counter Culture” said: “Marriage is arguably the most prominent issue in our culture today and will likely prove to be the most polarizing and divisive, possibly becoming the decisive issue for the direction and position of the church in this generation.

 

Three questions he posed in the workbook:

1)   Is the discussion of marriage in our culture simply a matter of moving on from old-fashioned and traditional ways of thinking to progressive and open-minded ways of thinking?

 

2)   Is marriage merely a tradition that’s open to changing with the times?

Okay now the big question:

 

3)   Or is marriage an institution that was ordained to be consistent through all time?

 

In the 33 series volume one “A Man and His Design” it stated these facts:

 

Our world desperately needs better men.

Ö      Men are in a state of confusion.

Ö      Men are experiencing a general disappointment with life.

Ö      Men are experiencing pain.

Ö      Men are lonely.

Ö      Men are drifting.

Ö      Men are turning to escapes to numb the pain.

Ö      Confused men create major problems.

Ö      Without a compelling vision for manhood, men will settle for less in life.

 

In Volume 5 of the current 33 series – session one stated that:

 

• Too many of us are stuck in our marriages.

• Marriage is about way more than just your momentary happiness and positive outcomes on society.

 

The workbook talked about Four Foundational truths when it comes to marriage:

1.  Marriage was God’s idea.

• One man with one woman in a unique covenant relationship.

 

2. God said that it was not good for man to be alone.

 

3. God created a helper suitable for man

 

§  The woman was created to co-rule the earth with the man, not to be ruled by him.

 

Matthew Henry in his commentary said this:

Woman was not made of man’s head to top him.  Not of his feet to be trampled under him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.

 

4. God intended man to leave his parents’ home and to cling to his wife.

 

 

God intended man to be leaders - to leave the dependence of their parents’ home, and to create their own self-sustaining family unit.  One that a man creates, cultivates, provides for, and protects.

        

§  The word “cling” carries with it the idea of maintaining a covenant relationship. The word “cling” implies fidelity, whole-hearted commitment, and permanents.

§  God didn’t intend marriage as a temporary arrangement.  Or something that is entered into lightly.  It was intended to be the deepest bond that you could experience!  And highest commitment that you can offer.  A commitment to one woman for life.

 

Pastor and author Paul Tripp said:

There are probably thousands of couples that get married every year with unrealistic expectations.  We all bring “broken issues” into our marriage.

 

Here is a Biblical view of marriage:  It’s a flawed person married to a flaw person in a fallen world, but with a faithful God.

 

We tend in the heat of romance, and the joy of the relationship - to minimize the reality of sin in our hearts.  That can be so destructive to marriage, and the reality of living in a broken world. We live in a world that does not operate the way God intended.  And the troubles of this world will enter the door of your marriage.

 

It is important to have high goals for your marriage.  Your goals should be as high as God’s design for that relationship.  But you must have realistic expectations.  You must understand the things you bring into that relationship are destructive to what it could be.

 

Perhaps our struggles with expectations are really rooted in the misunderstanding of the purpose of marriage.

 

The ultimate purpose for marriage is not human happiness.  A lot of people get married to become happy, or find identity, or to find meaning and purpose.

 

We have to realize that marriage has a creator.  It’s not a human idea but God’s idea.  God has a purpose for your relationship.  If you look at what the Bible says about relationships – the ultimate purpose for marriage is actually not happiness - its holiness.

 

It’s the radical reformation transformation of the human heart to be what God meant it to be.  So what God does is that He puts us in this comprehensive relationship that will bring us to the end of ourselves - because that is a good thing – so that we will seek His grace together.

 

And in seeking His grace we begin to grow together to be what He created us to be! That is what marriage was meant to be.

Ø  So, all those differences in marriage are not the way of God’s plan. 

Ø  All those things we have to deal with – there not the way of God’s plan - they a part of God’s plan. 

Ø  Because if He wanted it predictable and easy - He would have done that, and that is not His plan. 

His plan is that there is something better than happiness – its holiness! It’s walking with Him in the way the He created us to be.  When a husband is doing that and a wife is doing that – they doing that together – growing into what God created their marriage to be!

 

God’s design for a Biblical marriage is found in Ephesians 5.

This is what Paul wrote:

Ephesians 5:21 (NASB)

and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

 

(He goes on in verses 22-24 to talk about the women’s role – we’ll look into that next week, but in verses 25-33 he tells us about the man’s role.  The subtitle in the NASB says:

Marriage Like Christ and the Church

 

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NASB)

(25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, (26) so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 

 

This passage makes it clear that a husband is to love his wife unselfishly.  The world tells men to defend themselves, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves, yet the Word tells men to sacrifice themselves for their wives.  Headship isn’t an opportunity to control wives; it’s a responsibility to die for them.

 

This means, husband, you don’t love your wife because of what you get from her.  That’s how the culture defines love.  That’s selfish.  God love is sacrificial.  The culture says you love your wife because of her attractive attributes and compelling characteristics, but this is a wildly fickle preference than what the Bible tells us.

 

For as soon as some attribute or characteristic fades, then love fails.  Husbands - love your wife not because of who they are but because of who Christ is.  He loves them deeply, and your responsibility is to reflect His love.

 

Ephesians 5:28-32 (NASB)

(28) So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; (29) for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, (30) because we are members of His body. (31) For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (32) This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Husbands live to serve your wife and to see her grow in Christlikeness.  Men are accountable for loving their wives in such a way that they grow in loveliness.  Just as Christ takes responsibility for the spiritual health of his church, men are responsible for the spiritual health of their wives and their marriages. 

 

A man is to treasure, encourage, build up, protect, cherish, spur on, and comfort his wife.  A man takes the initiative in caring for his wife, not waiting for her to approach him with problems that need to be fixed.

 

If you are sitting here this morning as a husband – take some time this week and ask your bride this question:

“How can I love you and lead our marriage better?”

 

As married couples we need to realize what is at stake here.  You’re representing Christ and His church to a watching world so it is so important on how you treat each other.

 

Tony Evans wrote:

A husband’s job is to set the temperature in the home.  The woman is the thermometer.  She is to give a temperature reading.  The reading of the thermometer ought to reflect the setting of a thermostat.  If a man wants a summer wife, he can’t bring home winter weather.

 

Pastor Evans also shared a couple of stories of husbands who just don’t get it.

 

A man one day went to the Super Bowl.  He was sitting in a seat with an empty seat beside him.  A gentleman who sat on the other side of him said, “Is that your seat?  I see no one sitting there.” 

 

The man said, “Yes.  My wife and I had tickets but she died, and none of my friends whom I invited could make it to the Super Bowl, so the seat is just empty.”

 

The gentleman was puzzled.  “None of your friends could make it to the Super Bowl?’’ he asked.

 

 

The man said, “No, they couldn’t.”

 

The gentleman was still clueless as to how this man couldn’t find one friend who would love to be at the Super Bowl.

 

“Boy, the biggest sports event in all history and they are missing it?”

 

The man didn’t skip a beat, “Yeah, they’re all at her funeral.

 

A man was looking at a couple and he said to his wife, “look at them, they look so happy.  They look like a happy couple.”

She said, Don’t be too sure, they’re probably saying the same thing about us!”

 

Some people think marriage is just three rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

 

The Husbands Biblical role can be defined as “Headship” it’s his divinely appointed role to provide responsible servant leadership in his home.

 

Leadership means that you take the initiative and the responsibility for key aspects of your marriage and family.

 

There is a key word that goes with the word “headship” and is the word “servant.”

• Being a servant leader means that, like Jesus, you are others-centered.

• All healthy marriages are built on and around grace!

 

The goal of relationships isn’t to make sure everything goes our way or makes us happy. The goal is to please God!

 

So the Biblical view of marriage:  It’s a flawed person married to a flaw person in a fallen world, but with a faithful God.

 

So husbands take your all of your flaws and learn to live out…

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NASB)

(25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, (26) so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 

 

Let’s pray…